Weird Strange and True

My Griswold.

November 25, 2011

The following events transpired on the Sunday before Thanksgiving, long before the Christmas Police would approve.  Suspects are now in custody. There’s Clark… There’s Clark’s Assistant… There’s Clark’s Wanna-Be Assistant… (And Admirer) (And Taste-Tester) There’s plenty of time to waste while Clark works. Climbing trees… Getting stuck in trees… Swinging… Jumping in giant leaf piles… [...]

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On Meeting The Party Friends.

November 17, 2011

Ali loves to play on our Wii.  She especially loves it because not only have we created a Mii for her, myself, and Chris, but  we have dozens of our friends in there also, which she easily recognizes as they pop in and out of her games because I am, if I may say so [...]

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Can’t Buy Me Love.

September 29, 2011

The CEO of my bank is a Tween Girl. She is sitting at the top of her skyscraper downtown in her pink bedazzled office suite, chewing Bubble Yum, flipping through her Justice catalog, painting her nails a fabulous shade of Purple Me Tender, and talking on her jewel-cased iPhone. “I know, like, right?? He is [...]

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Alabama Gameday Scavenger Hunt, 2011 Edition.

September 22, 2011

Rules: 1. If you’re attending an Alabama game this season, Grab a Camera. Photograph as many items listed as possible.  Post on your blog or Facebook – or don’t.  But if you do, leave a link in a comment. 2.  If you’re attending another team’s game, Grab a Camera.  Photograph as many of your own [...]

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Breaking News: Baby Bends to Peer Pressure From the AIBC.

September 20, 2011

So.  Noah and I went back to Michael’s last week. First of all, let me say that I’m really becoming endeared to Michael’s Lady, Queen of The Awkwardly Intense Busybody Club herself. In fact, her preposterous comments are really actually making me want to go to Michael’s MORE often, just to see what she’ll scold [...]

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The Day He Received His Third Nipple.

September 13, 2011

Chris, upon changing Noah’s clothes for bed… “Um, how did Noah get a third nipple?” Well, you see, it’s a long story, babe. It all started with a successful mall trip. Too successful, really – I should have been suspicious of the trouble headed my way.  I had managed to make it to two stores [...]

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Worlds of Nightmares.

September 4, 2011

“The worlds of imagination and knowledge that it will open up for her are endless!!” Chris said, trying to convince me to teach Ali how to read. “Once you know how to read, you can teach yourself almost anything!” I didn’t want to. She had just turned four, and had rebuffed every effort I’d made [...]

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Just Because You’re Paranoid…

August 18, 2011

…doesn’t mean they’re not really out to get you. Or at least that’s what my Dad used to tease me with during the days of my overly-suspicious youth. I received a text last night. A nasty one. It was from a number I’d never seen before, out of state, and all it said was, “Parent [...]

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Because Confession is Good for the Soul…

August 1, 2011

My Mother felt so cleansed of guilt and shame after my post on Friday that she brought me more evidence of my childhood mistreatments that very night. (That and she’s been cleaning out her basement, but that’s beside the point.) As it turns out, The Atrocity wasn’t a one-time offense, nor perhaps even as bad [...]

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The Atrocity – A True Story.

July 29, 2011

She was young when she committed the crime, a crime that would scar me deeply and shape who I am today. She was so young that I’m sure she didn’t realize the full breadth and consequences of her actions – no one had taught her any better, after all. Guilt subconsciously crept in and flooded [...]

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