Chris has consistently sent me gorgeous flowers throughout our relationship. I have always greatly appreciated this, but have always been burdened with a good bit of guilt at each occurrence of said delivery, because there’s nothing comparably reciprocal to send to a guy.
Guys don’t want flowers.
Guys don’t want balloons.
Guys don’t want candy.
Guys don’t even want the newest in the delivered sweetness choices, fruit.
It’s just not how they’re wired.
Something needs to be done about this gross oversight in our American Culture. What are you supposed to send a man to show him that you love him? So, I decided to hone in one what really lights a guy’s fire and see if I could turn it into a deliverable.
Yes, that’s right. A MEAT arrangement. What guy wouldn’t want to answer the door, only to find a Bouquet of Animal Flesh waiting for him?
Just imagine the advertising….
You love your man.
You really love your man. How do you express it?
Why not a Vase O’ Meat? Or the sizey Pot O’ Meat?
Or even our extra large Garden O’ Meat! The Garden O’ Meat, a veritable fantasy manland where fresh flesh flowers grow from a salty sausage soil… Mmmmmm!!
So, um, anyway…
I started with a nice, manly “vase” and some florist’s foam:
And my own carnivorous husband’s help in creating this truly masculine masterpiece:
Included in this bouquet are:
deli meat carnations,
cocktail wienie daisies,
mini pepperoni poppies,
bacon irises, and
If men planned weddings, they would get MARRIED under an arbor of those ingredients.
And hold bouquets of meat flowers.
In fact, I guarantee that this arrangement would send ANY red-blooded man into the six stages of complete ecstasy (you will recognize the first five as eerily similar to a girl’s response to a REAL bouquet):
PETA, eat your heart out.
Or don’t. That wouldn’t be very Vegan of you.