Princesses Don’t Poop.

(I swore I’d never blog about potty-training.)

(I lied.)

(You’ve been forewarned. If you’d rather not read any further, you have my permission to stop and go read something about rainbows and unicorns.)

All of my life I’ve been one of those girls who tried her absolute darndest to deny the existence of bodily functions. I distinctly remember the first time I (VERY accidentally) burped in front of Chris. I was completely mortified – ready to melt through the floor, through the earth’s outer crust, and all the way to China, if I could manage to do so.

However, those niceties go by the wayside when one becomes a Mommy. I now regularly find myself having conversations with my child, with my husband, and with other Mommies about the intimate details of my child’s every function.

And that was all BEFORE potty training.

Now I’m just a regular poop-and-pee play-by-play-commentator.

Oh, the glamour of Mommyhood.

Ali was doing fairly well on the potty-training front, besides the fact that she’s kind of bored with the whole thing and would find it much more convenient to go back to diapers, something she often requests.

(At this point, my parents are laughing gleefully and evilly and feeling NO sympathy for me AT ALL, since a main story of our way-too-often-re-told family legends is about my potty-training experience. I learned easily and perfectly, and then one day announced, “I’m not going to do this anymore”, and quit cold turkey. No amount of bribing could convince me to re-tread the waters of leaving any sort of deposit in the toilet.)

Back to Ali.

The one problem with Potty-training is this: when kids are in diapers, they have no idea that they can control their bodily functions, and so they just don’t. However, when they start potty-training, they all of a sudden realize something:

THEY are in control.

As Peter Parker’s Uncle says, “With great power comes great responsibility.”

And so, when Ali decided that she didn’t want to poop in the potty anymore, instead of just pooping in whatever she happened to be wearing, she just decided to hold it.

And hold it.

And hold it.

Oh – and hold it some more.

Then, a FEW DAYS LATER when it gets to a critical mass, every few minutes, she stops what she’s doing, get a look of dread on her face, and say “Ooooh”, just like the Saturday Night Live Activia Commercials. Then she’ll get over it, INSIST that she DOES NOT need to go potty, and will keep playing.

For a couple of minutes, until she starts all over again.

So, when “it” refuses to reside at her inn any longer, it is horrifically painful, which confirms her decision that pooping is QUITE overrated, and so therefore strengthening her resolve to never do that AGAIN.

No amount of reasoning on my part can convince a two year old that if you put it off, it only gets worse.

Today’s experience with this cycle was the worst yet. It consisted of an hour of on and off weeping and gnashing of teeth, all while screaming, “I don’t WANT to pooooooop!!”

And so, if you ever see my brooding child with a look of dread and distress on her face, you’ll know why: because Princesses DON’T poop.

IMG_4101Modified

Personally, I can’t say that I blame her.

Leave your comment below!

Comments

  1. 1
    Barkley says:

    Haha! I don't blame her either! She's so beautiful. I can't believe how big she is getting ;)

  2. 2
    Anonymous says:

    Ok – that was stinkin hilarious! (No pun intended!!!!)

    Ashley

  3. 3
    Gina says:

    That is too too funny. I hope she goes soon.

  4. 4
    Gina says:

    I couldn't resist sending this to Crystal.

  5. 5
    Alice says:

    Hillarious!!! I hope things get better…literally! :)

  6. 6
    Jaci Spain says:

    Hang in there! We just went through the same thing so I feel your pain. Averi really got the pee pee thing down quickly but it took her a few days to catch on to the pooping on the potty thing. But thankfully about 3 days ago she finally caught on and is doing great with it now. I think her love for Skittles helped out with that a little:) Good luck!

    And that's such a cute picture of Ali:)

  7. 7
    Wade's World says:

    Jackson figured out when he was about 8 months old how to hold it in. The only thing that helped us was healthy does of juice and mixing up Miralax into his bottles and sippy cups. The medicine is over the counter and was recommended by our pediatrician. It makes it (without being too gross) where it CANT be held in if you catch my drift.

    Oh, and we also had to use pediatric enemas and Jackson still hates even spotting the box of those. He'll say, "I do NOT need that booty medicine!"

    Good luck!

  8. 8
    Trina says:

    Oh no! Mine ever held theirs like that. I mean really, how to you explain and reason with a 2 year old about the consequences of holding it?

  9. 9
    ordinarilyextraordinary.com says:

    you are not alone. my little guy never held it, but my best friend's son did and it was quite the adventure. 9 days at one point. talk about stubborn. so then the pediatrician did have to supply some medicinal help. not fun at all.

  10. 10
    Jill says:

    Oh goodness! She need not estimate the wonderfulness of a good poop!

  11. 11
    Natalie says:

    Wow. I think if it got like that I'd be slipping laxatives in their food! My kids love to "take medicine" so if they're having "issues" I just give them a few of the "Kids Homeopathic" for constipation. You can't hold in an explosion.
    Ugh, just the thought is making MY tummy hurt!

  12. 12
    Kitty Engle says:

    Sounds to me like mother like daughter, or you are "payin for your raisin" as you always hear down south. Poor thing does not realize how hard she is making on herself. The post is funny however, except the pain I am sure she is in and the agitation to you.

  13. 13
    Gina says:

    In all seriousness, that is the last hurdle to potty training. My suggestion…lots of prunes. Holding it for a long time will be virtually impossible.

  14. 14
    Diane says:

    Ha ha! What a funny post – but I'm sure a frustrating time for both you and your daughter! Potty training is all about training though and I'm sure she'll get more used to the concept as time goes. All the best!

  15. 15
    This Is The Day says:

    I feel for you! My sister-in-law had this problem with her daughter. She would hold it in until it got really hard and then hurt really bad when they finally did get her to go. I don't remember what they did to correct it but it was a problem for a long time!

  16. 16
    blueviolet says:

    This happened to my daughter and ruined Christmas. I'm serious. I'll never forget that horrible day.

    Let it go, Ali!

  17. 17
    Susan Ramey Cleveland says:

    This is so funny and reminds me of my niece when she was a little kid–already potty trained, maybe three or four. She started not wanting to stop playing outside and come in to potty. Her mom apparently didn't realize the extent of the problem until my niece started having severe stomach aches. The doctor did x-rays or ultra sound or something and found that my niece's plumbing was pretty well impacted. I forget how the doctor treated the condition, but he did and Buffy was fine afterwards. The doctor asked her how she was able to go so long without pooping. "I make my bottom hold its breath," she told him.

  18. 18
    jennifer says:

    Bless her heart! Bless your heart! Bless all of the mother's who potty train – bless their hearts too.

    It just isn't easy!

  19. 19
    jennifer says:

    BTW, she is GORGEOUS!!

  20. 20
    Anonymous says:

    Oh, toddlerdom. Been there too. Looks like several of us have. Good luck! Miralax was our friend for a while. Now we are starting to have accidents again. I don't think it ever ends. (:

    April

  21. 21
    Angela says:

    Ah yes, anal retentive already (literally)? Good luck, just keep pushing the fruit!

  22. 22
    Christen says:

    Since I'm not in the potty training stage yet, I would have never guessed that kids would rather hold it in that just go. Hope that Princess Ali realizes soon that it's much better to go than to torture herself and her mommy with trying to hold it in :)

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