Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker: An Investigative Report.

We have been having an exceedingly odd Winter here in Alabama. In a state where we’re lucky if we get snow once a decade, we have had half a dozen snow predictions in the past three months.

And it was because of these unheard of winter conditions that Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker found it’s way into my obsessive-need-to-know mind.UncleJoesTotLocker

Photo courtesy of Michael Nix.

When it snowed last month, I blogged about the odd fact that Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker was being scrolled across our local news in the closings. I pondered as to whether it was a prank or if someone had actually named a day care something that invoked visions of a dirty high school football locker room with little kids peering out the slats of each locker.

The night I wrote about it, there was another threat of snow, and so Uncle Joe’s was closed again (apparently lockers become very hazardous at the threat of any bad weather), which led to literally hundreds of hits on my blog from people googling Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker with the same burning questions that I had.

Was it real?

Was it not?

Who would send their kids there?

Chris, Lianne, Marie and I had fun making up potential business Spin-Offs for Uncle Joe, including:

  • Aunt Jolene’s Preschooler Prison
  • Germy Jeremy’s House O’Slobber
  • Sister Sara’s Senior Storage
  • Farmer Phil’s Baby Barnyard

After still no luck in discovering the answer to this mystery, I decided that it must have been a prank and moved on.

Until Monday night, when we had yet another snow threat – one that hardly anyone was taking seriously.

Except for Uncle Joe, of course.

As Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker scrolled endlessly at the bottom of the screen for the THIRD time, my assuredness that it was a prank started to wane (“SURELY someone couldn’t get away with it THAT many times if it weren’t real”), and the onslaught of google hits on my blog started again.

At that moment, I decided that I would serve the obvious needs in my state and I would not rest until I got to the bottom of the Uncle Joe Mystery.

First step: I found the Alabama DHR Day Care Directory System. Searches could only be done one county at a time, so I laboriously searched in all 67 counties for a day care with the word “Uncle” in the title.

No Luck. Which meant that if Uncle Joe WAS real, he wasn’t licensed. Somehow, that didn’t really surprise me.

Of course, I’d already searched online and paper White and Yellow Pages with no success, and search engines only led me back to my blog.

Next, I searched Alabama Incorporation Records. Nothing. So Uncle Joe is a tax evader too. Again, not a shocker.

I decided the only option I had left was to contact the television stations and see if they’d give me any information. They answered, but had no information as to how to contact the now-famous Day Care.

And then, I got an email.

From someone named Joseph.

A very short email. It read:

“Maybe you should try a facebook search under kids and families.
=)”

Could it be?? Was this Uncle Joe himself?

I was always afraid he’d find me. Because frankly, I pictured a huge beast of a man – a bouncer with an evil glare, a pointy gotee, and crossed, hugely muscular arms – just WAITING for someone to diss his child care abilities.

barely able to contain my excitement (and a bit of fear) in this lead, I went to Facebook and typed in “Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker” in the search bar.

One Facebook group – Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker – came up.

[Note: the Facebook group has since been shut down.]

The description was: “You supply the Tots, we supply the Lockers. Pretty self explanatory, people.”

The conversations on the wall were hilarious, and I quickly surmised that Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker was most definitely a joke, and a very well-planned out one at that.

I emailed Uncle Joe back and asked him the question that the whole state of Alabama wanted to know the answer to: How’d you manage to get listed on air – THREE TIMES?

He explained:

“First you begin with boredom, bad weather and vodka. Then, VOILA!

My wife and I were watching daycare closings in January and noticed some REALLY bad daycare names and I impulsively called Fox 6 and told them I had a closing at my daycare and they asked me for my code.

After telling them I didn’t have one, they were nice enough to walk me through the process. It took about 3 minutes. It’s really made winter a lot of fun around my house. Some friends have even made T-shirts ( complete with barb-wire).”

He gave me permission to share my findings with you, even at the risk of outing his fun, since SURELY our snow threats are over for the year.

And so there you have it. My theory about prank calling in closings? It’s not only possible, but it’s been done multiple times by a master. Which has led to creating a continually high level of curiosity throughout the whole state of Alabama.

Uncle Joe, I salute you for your hard work at entertaining us all through this bleak and blizzardy winter. I wish you many more successful years of Southern Snowstorms of Tot Locker closings.


Leave your comment below!

Comments

  1. 1
    Micha says:

    I knew it. Well at least that is one mystery solved. Now maybe the washers and dryers of the world will let you know what happens to the socks. And my nephews pants because they seem the live off of those too.

  2. 2
    Greta says:

    And that's hilarious.
    Good for you for tracking down the answer ;).

  3. 3
    Beth @ UnskinnyBoppy says:

    Man your investigative reporting skillz are TOP NOTCH sister! That is freaking hilarious. I salute you AND Uncle Joe. I bet they all fell out laughing everytime that would scroll underneath Cruella… I mean Karen Church.

  4. 4
    Shelly Overlook says:

    Hilarious!!

  5. 5
    Wade's World says:

    Love it!!!

  6. 6
    Jill says:

    I cannot tell you how much I admire your perseverance! HILARIOUS!!! Seriously, if I ever need to stalk somebody, I'm calling you first.

  7. 7
    Bama Belle says:

    Way too fun! Love it!

  8. 8
    Cindy says:

    THAT IS AWESOME!!! One question. Uncle Joe can I open up a franchise in Utah and notify the local news of it's closure on blizzardy days?

  9. 9
    Trina says:

    Such a fun story!

    I'm with Jill. If I ever need a stalker I know who to call. I mean that in the best way possible of course ;)

  10. 10
    Lindsay says:

    Oh, that's hilarious! He has a very sick and twisted sense of humor. I love it!

  11. 11
    ordinarilyextraordinary.com says:

    Okay that is the funniest thing I've heard in months. Have to agree with Jill and Trina. You would be the friend to call when in need of stalking ability. Hilarious!

  12. 12
    Sara says:

    I have a new hero.

  13. 13
    Cheri says:

    I think you missed your calling…you and my one daughter have true investigative skills. She is my go to gal when I need to find something or someone.

  14. 14
    Lianne says:

    Yaaaaaaaaay! Good stuff. Next snow threat, Germy Jeremy's House O' Slobber is totally going into business!

  15. 15
    Kim says:

    That is CLASSIC !!! I just forwarded your post to my friend and favorite weatherman – who DOESN'T work at Fox 6…LOL !!!!!

  16. 16
    blueviolet says:

    I'm just glad it was a joke, and so so clever and funny!

  17. 17
    Abbie the Basket Hound and Humans says:

    If your Meat Creation didn't win my heart, your investigative reporting certainly has!!! This was priceless. Ok, seriously, someone get this girl a gig with Fox 6-Rhonda Robinson-Watch out! You got some competition. LOVED IT!
    Nanci

  18. 18
    Brooke says:

    As co-designer of Uncle Joe's Tot Locker t-shirt, this has been the most fun we've had in quite some time!!!! Uncle Joe is awesome!!!

  19. 19
    Marie says:

    That is just awesome. I gotta go to their wall on Facebook! Thanks for including me in the naming but I think it was really just you and Chris and Lianne with me laughing along.
    Lianne–I can't wait. At the rate Jack's been sick this season, he could totally go there!!!!

  20. 20
    Kat says:

    LOVE it! But, did you join the Facebook group?

  21. 21
    Rachel says:

    LOLOLOL!! Oh I'm dyin' . . . just dyin'. . . .

  22. 22
    Stephanie says:

    I totally had to join the group on Facebook…that is the funniest thing I have seen all day! You are a sleuthing master! I wish someone would have done that here in Atlanta and entertained us!

  23. 23
    Mrs. Jennifer says:

    Finally!! My husband has asked me at least once weekly if I've had any luck finding Uncle Joe's!! It has haunted me. I definitely have a need to know EVERYHTHING. You rock!

  24. 24
    This Is The Day says:

    Haha, that is great. And most of the greatness is your dilligence in discovering the truth. You are a modern day Nancy Drew. :)

  25. 25
    Momisodes says:

    That is AWESOME!

    You are hilarious for tracking down the mystery, and I love that Joe contacted you directly :)
    That name is Genius!

  26. 26
    Christen says:

    That is hilarious! Thank you, Uncle Joe, for making us all laugh!

  27. 27
    Kitty Engle says:

    I cannot believe someone went to so much trouble to create a prank. But I must admit it has created alot of guessing. Now, can you tell me where Leo's keys are?

  28. 28
    Anonymous says:

    Good job uncovering mystery. His facebook page is so funny. Mom

  29. 29
    Tina - My Own Party of 5 says:

    That's hilarious! I can't believe the news channel didn't think something was up with a name like that. Amazing.

  30. 30
    Atticus Rominger says:

    God bless you.

  31. 31
    Kristen says:

    And he would have gotten away with it too! If it hadn't been for you snooping kids!
    So funny…can he call in to Montgomery the next time so we can enjoy the giggles as well?

  32. 32
    Beth says:

    LOVE it!
    LOVE-love-LOVE it!
    Hilarious! How brave of them to start the madness. How nice of you to share it with us!
    I want a t-shirt now! :)

  33. 33
    Rachel says:

    Kat – Of course I joined the facebook group! It's brilliant!

  34. 34
    melodyofamom says:

    Oh my. Oh me, oh my. that is HILARIOUS!!! He and his wife will be able to laugh about this forEVER!!!

  35. 35
    Ann Marie says:

    wow.
    Uncle joe…only in Alabama could he have gotten away with this!
    its hilarious, and the complexity and detail of his prank was well appriciated in the Zannis family I'm sure!

  36. 36
    Leslie says:

    Oh, that's so funny!

  37. 37
    countryfriedmama says:

    Rachel, thank you. That is the funniest damn thing I have heard in a long time. Love it!

  38. 38
    Babs says:

    That is hilarious!!

  39. 39
    Leigh of Bloggeritaville says:

    Go!Joe!Go!

  40. 40
    Tammy says:

    Ok, some how I missed this hilarity! I am dying of laughter here!!!!

  41. 41
    jeri says:

    Rachel,

    My daughter (Rachel!) and I saw that scroll also! We thought it absolutely bizarre and had a few moments of fun with it, but thank you so much for ferreting it out, that's a great story. You have a cute blog here, well done! Your Long Butts/Mom Jeans investigation is an certainly an important one, too.

  42. 42
    Genelle says:

    Too funny! Also wanted to comment that the jack man (middle of the picture) in the photo at the top is my future brother-in-law! I was so surprised to see a picture of his butt on a random blog that I linked to through a friends blog. Made me giggle. :)

  43. 43
    Jonquil says:

    Uncle Joe's Tot Locker may be fake, but this one is real:

    Atonement Preschool

    It's the preschool attached to a church in my mom's town. (The church also has "Atonement" in the name.) I picture the tots having bread and water at snack time, right before they get vigorous exercise scourging themselves.

  44. 44
    Amanda Crump says:

    Looks like we got another Uncle in the business!
    http://blog.al.com/spotnews/2011/01/snow_closings_list_of_faciliti.html

  45. 45
    TKDenizen says:

    Uncle Al’s Tot Locker will be closed tomorrow. I so wish I’d thought of that.
    Its hilarious!!!!!!!

  46. 46
    virginia says:

    Thank you!! We have gotten some good laughs out of this tonight.
    Looks like Uncles Joe and Al are at the vodka again, though

  47. 47
    TKDenizen says:

    They’ve pulled Uncle Al? Bummer!!!

  48. 48
    Jennifer says:

    That is hilarious!! We don’t have that much fun up here in Huntsville.

  49. 49
    Katrina says:

    HA!!! I had a post about it too, but I just assumed it was a joke and left it at that.
    http://www.katrina-runs.com/uncle-joes-tot-locker

    Glad you found the source!!

  50. 50

    Oh my gosh, that’s hysterical! I bet the t-shirts are just too funny!! :-D

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