Disney is a complicated beast. They create characters so lovable (and widely marketed) that no child can go a day without running into them somehow.
In fact, my kid doesn’t go a day without pretending to be at least five of them. In the same day. Repeatedly. And not answering to anything but the particular Princess or Fairy that she happens to be at that moment.
And really, I can’t help but love all of their characters too. Not that I would ever admit to pretending to be any of them…
But yet, their more subtle messages are…interesting.
We already discussed how much Disney hates cats and idolizes dogs.
And, if you haven’t noticed, Disney also hates Mothers. Sit and think of all of the cartoon Disney movies that you’ve ever seen, and name more than three where the Mother IS present AND isn’t killed.
Bambi? Nope, unless your parents fast forwarded through that part.
Cinderella? Definitely not.
Beauty and the Beast? Just a Dad.
Snow White? The Little Mermaid? RatatouilleAladdinFindingNemoJungleBook?
No. No. NoNoNoNo.
I don’t know what Mommies and Cats did to Walt when he was a kid, but he despised them. Heartily.
But another problem that Disney seems to have is with the aftermath of stars from their Disney Channel TV shows.
We all know the sad, sad downhill spiral stories…
Britney.
Christina.
Lindsay.
And their latest failure-to-stay-sweet, Miley.
They all, quite sadly, go totally skank.
And as for the kids that grew up watching them innocently on the Disney Channel and then watched as they spiraled into skankdom, I’m sure the effect wasn’t positive.
And so, that makes me start to question Ali’s favorite Disney Channel stars…
What are they going to be like when they, and therefore Ali, grow up?
Is she going to have the innocence of her childhood idols defrocked in front of her wide little eyes?
It’s a concern I really MUST consider…
For starters, I’m quite suspicious that Dora’s Knee Waggling singalong of “We Did It”…
Will one day morph into a Booty Waggling “Oops I Did It Again.”
Oh…waitta minute. Dora isn’t Disney. But I think she hangs around those Disney characters enough that she’s been infected, too…
At any rate, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Stars Donald and Daisy Duck, I’m afraid, are most definitely destined to become the next Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne. 
After all, Donald already talks completely incoherently while spitting and slurping into the camera, all while Daisy is the epitome of class and style.
I can totally see Handy Manny becoming the next Marc Anthony, what with those thick, sultry hispanic eyebrows.…
And although I’m not too worried about Phineas and Ferb becoming anything more harmful than a very washed up Brooks and Dunn,
It’s Perry the Platypus that I’m really worried about.
I’d put all my money on him becoming the next Kid Rock.
Yes, it’s a risky world out there. But as long as Tinkerbell can keep her Pixie Dust to herself, I think Ali will manage to cope.
Choose what your kids watch with the wide selection of channels that Direct TV Alabama offers.
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
I agree with everything, except Dora. Clearly you haven't watched enough children's TV, because Dora is from Nickelodeon. They don't produce skanks quite so much; just has-been singers.
LOL – you're totally right! That's what DVR can do for you – make you forget where things come from.
You make me laugh so much! That picture of Brooks and Dunn cracked me up. Thanks for keeping me smiling!!
This cracked me up, and I needed a laugh! I love Handy Manny though I hope he doesn't go the way of Marc Anthony.
The Kid rock one was hilarious and the character sort of does look like Kid Rock.
You are so funny. Thanks for the laugh!
Lol, you are so funny. I guess I am behind the times b/c I've never even heard of the last two, but I definitely see some resemblences.
I have often wondered what the heck kind of mom Walt Disney had since he's so totally against them.
Hopefully Dora doesn't go skank in her teen years.
A valid concern, I found myself wondering along the same lines as my precious one was growing up. But Ali is a smart little cookie, and like mine, I think she will recognize the "bad choices" taken by former child stars and see the consequences resulting, quickly followed by the earnest "I'll never be like her/them" promise.
You are too funny
Perhaps an episode of Dora where she signs her abstinence clause?
So funny! I remember the days of Disney ….. well, let's just call it Disney purgatory. Disney everywhere — tv, games, etc.
And those little Disney girls… well, you nailed it. They are just messes.
Spent a little time catching up with your life. Your girl is getting so big! And she's just darling!
I've soooo always wondered what Disney has against having BOTH parents present for a disney movie. Eden has asked where Andy's dad is (from Toy Story). I just always say that he's always at work.
And then the other day she asked where HER stepmother is. I think Disney is warping my child's brain!
You make me laugh once again. Should I feel bad for taking my girls to Disney Princesses on Ice in November? (: Dora was by far my favorite comparison. You do know who plays Handy Manny right? So weird to me. By the way, missed you Saturday.
April
Now that's hilarious!
You just always have such a funny way of looking at things!
I am still laughing…what a hilarious post! I have to say that I prefer Nick over Disney shows. i-Carly still seems good! Let's hope Miranda Cosgrove doesn't go skank. Thanks for the funny…
Rachel, this post was pure blog gold! The Ozzy and Sharon comparison just slayed me.
Love you for the laugh you provided this evening!
The only thing about Tinkerbell is that she is already an attitude-y character…she is a jealous b&#%$@. Really…go back and read Peter Pan…she is a mean, spiteful pixie!
Here's a bit of an expalantion. Walt & his brother bought their parents a house with the money they made from Snow White. His mother died via carbon monoxide poisioning because of a faulty furnace in the house. I am a storehouse of (mostly) useless information…
http://www.snopes.com/disney/waltdisn/mother.asp
It's worth repeating – this post was BLOG GOLD!
SInce I don't have kids, I rarely see any of the movies and tv shows – although I see the characters everywhere.
Jennifer (Dust Bunny Hostage) insisted that I come over here. I can see why! This was brilliant!
Kristin – The Goat
I once had a couple of kids tell me they'd want to be an orphan. An odd convo to have with a couple of kids that had already lost their dad, but they were convinced that without their mean mom, they could live in abandoned homes complete with large HD TVs (which their mom wouldn't spend her money on) with cable, Internet, and power.
Too funny!
I know this post is old, but I having been meaning to search it out and reply. Have you seen the commercials for Dora all grown as a teenage? I haven’t been able to catch the whole commercial, so I am not sure if it is a show or movie. But, I am definitely wondering how she dresses/acts. I wonder if she is skanky??
I have seen those! Ali and I both find them very bizarre.
I don’t think Walt Disney hated moms. Stories often begin with conflict or tragedy. What could be more tragic than losing your parents? And while losing either parent is hard on a kid, losing Mom is harder, especially if he or she is very young. The orphan theme, while sad, makes sense. I can’t vouch for Disney writers now, but I think the earlier stories used the orphan theme to tug at heartstrings. Besides, aren’t most old Disney stories based on fairy tales that are hundreds of years old? Snow White was an orphan long before the 1930s.
I agree. It was said more tongue-in-cheek than anything. However, it does seem like there are certainly a large quantity of mothers missing in Disney movies…