The Presidenim Election.

I have a list of subjects that I refuse to blog about, and my political leanings are very near the top of that document, right behind – oh wait – blogging about the contents of the list is on the list.

However, I find myself at a place in time where I absolutely MUST make an exception.  The reason is that despite the continuous election coverage, the endless mailers, and the mind-slaughtering number of robocalls I’m getting from beggarly candidates (who also don’t give a flip about the fact that I’m on the Do Not Call list), there seems to be a significant gap in coverage about one vital issue in the presidential campaign.

Thank goodness for Shepard Smith, because he’s the only one brave enough to bring it to the forefront – well, he and I are, anyway.

We need to talk about Presidential Denim.

We can’t have the Leader of the Free World prancing around the globe trying to act all powerful and in-control while wearing Mom Jeans.

Shamefully, we’ve had to suffer this fate worse than death for four years already.

Obama Jeans 1

Do you know how much Paris must be sniggering at that jean length?

And London at the circa 1985 denim wash?

Obama Jeans 2

Milan is scoffing the fact that he has enough room in those pants for an Iranian Spy to hide out, and Italian shoemakers are sobbing into their Fettuccine, praying that he would trade in those rubber sneakers for some nice leather boots made to go with jeans.

Unfortunately, though, some of his opponents appear as if they will take this travesty to new and cruelly horrific heights.

Romney Jeans 3

Literally.

The only thing that makes the plight of Mom Jeans on Men (MJoM) worse is when they’re worn in a 62 inch inseam.

Romney has perfected the art of Mom Jeans, heralding the high waist, the horrible blues, the shapeless legs, and the terrible pocket placement at every campaign stop.

Mitt Romney Jeans

(If only he had asked for denim advice from the dude he’s standing next to in this photo, his campaign and therefore our world could have the potential to be totally different.)

His opponent, Rick Santorum, brings the fashion bar slightly higher by wearing what can clearly be defined as Dad Jeans.

Santorum Jeans

At least they sit below his nipples, are the right color, and have some shape to them.  This earns him the Dad-hipness level to star in a Swagger Wagon video.

Ironically enough though, the best jeans in this whole race also happen to belong to the oldest man out there.

Seventy-Six years old and this man is blowing away the competition.

Ron Paul Jeans 3

Look at that wash!

Look at that fit!

Look at those nice stylish fade lines!

Look away before you get to his old man orthopedic shoes.

Thank you, Dr. Paul, for showing the other contestants* how it’s done.  Not to say that I’m going to vote for you (or that I’m not – after all, I don’t talk politics around here), but it’s nice to see that someone has at least this vital issue clearly under control.  You officially win the race for Presidential Jeans.

* No Newt-in-denim photos could be attained.  But if I had to guess, they wouldn’t be pretty.
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Comments

  1. 1
    Emily B says:

    BRILLIANT.

  2. 2
    Ashley says:

    Ron Paul, who would have guessed?! But I agree, he’s TOTALLY rocking those jeans! WORK IT, RP!

    By the way, I’m glad you brought up shoes in relation with denim. That is where I run into some issues: jean and shoe combo. Any chance you can do a post with denim styles and corresponding shoe compatibility??

    • 2.1

      Here’s one good rule: Tennis shoes should be worn only for exercising or if you are old and have bad feet. Otherwise, wear decent shoes.

      That is all.

      • Rachel says:

        Agreed. Tennishoes can often make any jeans look like Mom Jeans – at least at the bottom.

        Then again, there are those rare people that can make tennishoes with jeans look really cute. I am not one of those people.

    • 2.2
      Rachel says:

      It is a grave subject that definitely needs to be addressed. In fact, if I were to address it, I’d have to point out my own failings in that area – my shoes in my Mom Jeans post are atrocious with jeans.

  3. 3
    April says:

    hilarious!
    The title is brilliant. you’re so clever. :)
    you’re right…the oldest man out there with the best jeans?! weird! I vote for the guy standing to Romney’s right. clearly, he’s Presidenim quality.

  4. 4
    Cheri says:

    Good post and oh so funny. Never paid much attention to their jean style but now that is probably what I will be scrutinizing …lol

  5. 5
    Kristeen says:

    Ah, Rachel! You never fail to make me laugh. As a Canadian, I have clearly found a reason to pay a small amount of attention to the political ramblings down south!

  6. 6
    Hannah Jo says:

    genius, pure genius….who knew our leader and potential leaders had such issues…I mean don’t they have some kind of consultant for that??

    • 6.1
      Rachel says:

      Clearly, I feel a strong urge to this calling. Except that it would require me to look at politician’s butts all day, and that’s just awkward.

  7. 7
    Giann says:

    that is SO funny and creative!! Ron Paul definitely wins! :) I think Newt just wears dress pants all the time…

  8. 8
    Rachel says:

    Those are awesome! I think this is the first political rendering I have enjoyed reading! Haha :) You should totally offer your services to these poor gentlemen. You could be a presidenim consultant! They obviously need it!

  9. 9
    erin says:

    You have completed your civic duty for the year by pointing this out to America . . . for as “cool” and “hip” as Obama’s campaign advisers want to make him, they are definitely missing a key ingredient! :)

  10. 10
    Sarah says:

    i pretty much peed myself reading this!!! hahahahahhaha

  11. 11
    KAREN says:

    Is that Mitt’s wife standing next to him? Because obviously we know why he wears MJOM. If you look at her from the hands down (minus nail polish) she looks like a man. Get some bootcut dress pants and some feminine shoes!!

    • 11.1
      Rachel says:

      I almost went there and talked about her scary 80’s pantsuit (she just needed some DDD Cup Shoulder Pads to finish it), but I didn’t want to veer off subject.

      So thank you for covering that important angle for me.

  12. 12
    Miss Elisabeth says:

    LOVE it!! I scared my dogs from laughing.

  13. 13
    Tiffany says:

    hahaha! I really don’t pay attention to politics (am I allowed to admit that?) but I would if you were commentating!

  14. 14
    Elle says:

    Love this!

    I also love that you don’t talk about politics — very wise.

    Although I have no doubt that you voted for the right guy. ;)

  15. 15
    Greta says:

    Clever, Rachel, very clever ;). This made me chuckle.

  16. 16
    Rachel says:

    Priceless! Thanks for the laugh!

  17. 17
    Jennifer says:

    If they think that wearing outfits like that will make them relate to the “common people” we’re in worse shape than I thought. Lol

  18. 18
    Tracie says:

    This is the best political post I have read in a long long time!!

  19. 19
    Carrie says:

    I think the real test of a politician’s staying power would come in a rundown in the shorts category. The jeans thing gives us a good start and categories in which people belong. I think a friendly shorts competition might give the the winner of the 2012 election. You’re on to a good start!

    • 19.1
      Rachel says:

      Ack – the thought of Newt’s legs… and Ron’s!! I think Ron should stick with his hot jeans. I’m afraid his sock length would look atrocious with shorts.

  20. 20
    Dawn says:

    Ha! Love it. I liked Ron Paul even before I realized that he was the best dressed candidate, but that’s just icing on the cake. ; ) BTW, I totally had your words of wisdom running through my head this weekend when I went jeans shopping- and I came home with some new ones that I love!

  21. 21

    So…I did a search for Newt in denim, and…you’re right (as I’m sure you well know).

    It doesn’t exist!!

    How can this be? Seriously, the man never wears anything but a dark blue suit, with a blue shirt and a red tie.

    I wonder if he emerged from the womb dressed like that?

    • 21.1
      Rachel says:

      I bet he takes his tie off to sleep. But that’s only because he’s worried about his wife choking him with it. She has some wild eyes, that one…

  22. 22
    Marty says:

    Oh my goodness, too funny! I wish they covered presidential denim just like this on the Daily Show, your evaluation of it is epic AND awesome!!

    • 22.1
      Rachel says:

      Aw, thanks!! You think he’d have me as a guest contributor? #Dreaming

      • Marty says:

        I am right there with you on the #Dreaming part! I genuinely think you could do some killer stuff for them or a similar outlet given half a chance (you know, for when I get great enough to be listed as reference in such matters, which I’m sure will be by like, next year…. in that alternate reality I love so much…………)

        • Rachel says:

          Oh but I’m terrible in person. I have zero delivery skillz. I’d just have to be a writer. #stilldreaming

          • Marty says:

            They have whole crews of writing staff people that create most of it! And those guys never make it to the camera except for exceptionally brief large group silent cameos once every year or two when they win awards and what not. So you could still totally be a part of it, and have no delivery issues to speak of!

            As I’m sure you need convincing: No no, it’s a great idea, just go do it already! #suspendingreality

  23. 23
    Stephanie says:

    You always make me laugh out loud! :) This is too funny, I love it!
    Also you have changed my life with your jeans post. I just needed some pointers and a good friend to stick with me while i shopped for jeans. You have made the world a better place. Thank you! :)

  24. 24
    Angela in Arizona says:

    Boy did I need a laugh today! (the day before the election!) Ron Paul was rocking those jeans compared to everyone else! The tennis shoes (aka sneakers) and jeans combo reminds me of when I lived in Italy. A neighbor pointed out that Americans always seemed dressed to play tennis, or exercise. Italians, however, always dress like they’re going out to a restaurant. No sneakers with jeans over there! =) Thanks for the post!

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