Short Stories of Motherhood.

I’ve had a few photos and stories pile up lately – not good enough to make a post in and of themselves, but decent enough that I couldn’t trash them.  So here they are, all thrown together and cooked into a Blog Casserole.


Winner Winner Typhoid Fever.

Noah discovered a glitch in the system.

Not only was this claw machine “Play Till You Win,” but it was also set on “No Quarter Required.”

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He kept winning and winning, showing off his overly-adept motor skills.

Which would have been great if the contents of the machine didn’t look like this:

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Not only were there pennies and a circa 1988 Diamond Jim’s coin to be found in the bottom sludge, but also a “Free Kid’s Buffet” coin was also available – from a different restaurant.

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The kid was not at all pleased when I confiscated all of his valuable prizes that expired in 1991.


Earworm.

I was checking Ali’s multiplication table results, and couldn’t figure out what she’d written at the top.

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So I asked her.

“Oh – I wrote ‘Let’s do the Umi Shake’ because I’d just written “2, 4, 6, 8” on the two line and I couldn’t help but think of that song from Team Umizoomi.”

And now I can think of nothing else myself.


Detective Work.

On one particular Sunday afternoon, while Chris had Ali feverishly laboring for Ingrid,

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she and I also discovered treasures in the driveway.  Silver treasures, surely left by indigenous Alabamian Pirates hundreds of years ago.

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I fondly remember finding mysterious treasures as a kid, so I made a huge deal out of it, telling her that she had an amazing mystery to solve and untold valuables.

She dove into action and decided that the most important key to discovering the origin of these items would be to narrow down what they would fit into.

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Ultimately, the mysterious items ended up in one of her many treasure boxes, in hopes that one day the mystery might be unveiled.

But I’m pretty sure I still have at least one mystery object from my own childhood, so the chances don’t look so hot.


An Ounce of Prevention.

It was The Dreaded Bath Night. Noah’s bathpooing average was 100% over the last three bathing attempts.

As I got him undressed, I instructed him sternly.

“NO NO poop in bath. No poop in bath. NO NO NO NO poop in bath. No poop in bath. Okay?”

He got a sincerely grave look and said, “Okay, Mommy.”

And then he peed on the floor.

Just to make sure.


Tech Support.

A while back, we were at the library, and everything was down, and had been for three days.

Thank goodness I brought an expert to diagnose the problem.

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The Computer Whisperer

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But by the time we left the library, the computers were functioning again.  So maybe…


A Sinking Ship.

Noah heard that I was annoyed at his leaking sippy cups, so he tried to plug the hole.

First with a Wagon Spoke and Wheel,

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Then with a sucker,

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And then he went all out and used both.

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I bet you guessed that this didn’t help my problem.


Had a Very Hiney Nose…

Noah got into my makeup while I was getting ready and managed to find something fabulously brown and smeary.

Rudolph the Brown-Nosed Reindeer

So I named his artistic installation for him:

“Rudolph In the Workplace: the Brown-Nosed Reindeer.”


The Font Fairy.

Ali lost her second tooth (okay I made her let me pull it – I’ve recently discovered that I get a sick pleasure in tooth-pulling,) and so she wrote another note to The Tooth Fairy:

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Because she had issues reading my last note, I changed my Tooth Fairy Font in my reply:

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And all that she said was,  “But it’s not in pretty fairy writing!!!!!”

I can’t win.


Purina.

After not eating for a week, Noah has been in a serious recovery mode for the past two weeks.  He stands at the open pantry door all day calling out in a pitiful voice, “NEEEEEEEED!!!”

It doesn’t matter how much I give him, he goes back for more.

So one day I decided to take a Dog-Owner’s approach and just leave a plate out for him, overflowing with everything he could possibly want.

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The plate included Apple Jacks, Cocoa Krispies, Dried Fruit, Nuts, Bud’s Best Cookies, and it also included a side of Graham Crackers and Gummies (not pictured.)

(And this was just to satiate his between-meal NEEEEEEEEDs.)

He ate.

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He gorged.

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And he approved.

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A few hours later, this was all that was left:

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And that’s all that I have.

Oh – except….

2, 4, 6, 8, Let’s do the Umi Shake!!

Leave your comment below!

Comments

  1. 1
    Jennifer says:

    So back in October, I randomly bought a can of glitter hair spray, which sat unloved in a closet until our elf on the shelf (yes, I am one of THOSE moms) needed to w write a note. Ours has terrible handwriting, almost like an adult using her non dominant hand. I started the note with the glitter spray and it blew preschooler minds over here. Ali is older and wiser, but I have heard you can use hairspray as glue for regular glitter as well. Perhaps that will pacify her need for fairinesss?

  2. 2
    Kitty Engle says:

    I so enjoyed all the short stories but they made me very sad. Now I miss them all the more. I may have to come before March to see you.

  3. 3
    Lindsay D says:

    Loved your short stories!
    2 things.
    1.We do the Umi Shake all day every day. My kid LOVES that!
    2.I hated losing my teeth as a child. The librarian from my primary school (k-2nd) was so mean and she loved to pull loose teeth. I was terrified to go to school with a loose tooth. I wrote a memoir about it as a senior in high school, and dang if my teacher didn’t give the librarian a copy. (We live in a very small town.) I was sure the librarian would track me down and pull out all my permanent teeth.

  4. 4
    Laura W. says:

    I love casseroles so of course I LOVED this blog casserole :-)

  5. 5
    Rachel says:

    These are great! My favorite is the computer tech. Too cute!

  6. 6
    Lisa Wagner says:

    LOVE your stories! Gave me a much needed smile and even a giggle on this gray dreary RAINY day in Michigan. Yes, rain in Michigan in January. blech

  7. 7
    Ann says:

    Love this!!

  8. 8
    Eva says:

    these were great! i think they were good enough for a normal post. i’m afraid i can’t figure out ali’s writing though. haha

    • 8.1
      Rachel says:

      It is a challenge sometimes. Let’s see – the first note is:

      fit in a strol (straw)
      fit in a prickaly (sweetgum ball)
      fit in a nutshel
      fit in a lef (leaf)
      fit in a hol (hole – not sure what hole, though!)

      The second one to the tooth fair said:

      I want to cep ol my teth ok put it in
      daddy treasure box ok!
      god idea!
      i won to kep my note.

  9. 9
    Carol Busse says:

    I loved your blog casserole, too. Such fun stories. The all-you-can-eat plate for Noah to graze on was genius, I think. Who knew we had it in common to love pulling loose teeth. Oh the joy!

  10. 10
    Christy says:

    I am becoming fairly fluent in reading kindergartener writing so I knew most of what she was saying. The ‘treasures’ look like drippings of silver solder, used to sweat copper water pipes together.

  11. 11

    I love the short stories! Kind of like my Slices of Life. :-) I can’t leave without saying that that is, without question, the most disgusting claw game enclosure I have EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. Looks like Noah could have gotten tetanus just from playing it. OMG.

    • 11.1
      Rachel says:

      I know – and what’s worse is, last time we went to this restaurant, they’d refilled it. So people are getting candy out of there, UNKNOWING what lies beneath!!

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