So Alanis Morissette and I are basically best friends.

Alanis MorissettePhoto Credit – Alanis: AKM-GSI; Me: my iPhone; both used with permission.

…Or at least we had sons six days apart, both have long dark hair, and sometimes wear stripes.

(Same difference.)

Because of our deep relationship, I took the liberty of rewriting my favorite Alanis song to represent our joint stage of motherhood.

“Ironic” was my high school anthem, despite the fact that the song actually portrayed bad luck and coincidence that she called irony. Which was, ironically, quite ironic. My friends and I sung it endlessly, happily screaming “it figgers!!” at the shrill-top of our teenage lungs.

But parenthood – oh, parenthood is the ultimate lesson in irony. Like when your kids wake up earlier than ever on Saturday, then sleep in on the one day you must get them up early. Or when they scream about getting in the bath, then scream louder when it’s time to get out of the bath.

So I channeled my inner Morissette and asked my husband to do the same (because he’s the songwriter of the family), and this is what we came up with.

So work on your angry-Canadian accent and proper pronunciation of the word “figures.” And if you really want to feel it, hit the cute little play button below to be accompanied by the original version while you sing our parenthood version over the top.

[sc_embed_player fileurl=http://www.graspingforobjectivity.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/01-10-Ironic-Album-Version.mp3]

 

Disclaimer: Some events in this song might be based on actual events, but nothing in this song should be construed as serious.

Ironic…With Children.

 

A little man turned two point eight,
He pooped in the potty, and pants the next day.
It’s a black fly on your high chair tray,
It’s an airline barf bag two minutes too late.
And isn’t it ironic… don’t you think.

It’s like stains on family picture day,
It’s a slip n’ slide when they’re already bathed,
It’s the birth control that you just didn’t take,
Who would’ve thought…it figgers.

Mr. Hates the Bath was afraid to try,
He grabbed his tub toys and kissed his pants goodbye-yi.
He fought his old man’s wife for half the night,
Then as he wouldn’t get out, she thought,
“Well isn’t this nice…”
And isn’t it ironic… don’t you think.

It’s like stains on family picture day,
It’s a slip n’ slide when they’re already bathed,
It’s the birth control that you just didn’t take,
Who would’ve thought… it figgers.

Well kids have a funny way of sneaking up on you,
When you think everything’s okay and everything’s going right.
And kids have a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything’s gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face.

A toilet jam when you’re already late,
A no-poking sign on their birthday cake,
It’s like ten thousand shoes when all you need is a wipe.
It’s like finally finding my dreams,
And then hearing a bad dream cry.
And isn’t it ironic…don’t you think.
Or maybe not ironic…and, yeah, I really don’t think…

It’s like stains on family picture day,
It’s a slip n’ slide when they’re already bathed,
It’s the birth control that you just didn’t take,
Who would’ve thought… it figgers.

Kids have a funny way of sneaking up on you
Kids have a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out…

23 thoughts on “Ironic, With Children.

  1. That is my favorite Alanis Morrissette song too. Loved your version! I am going to have to show it to my sister.

    1. Ha! Well, I imagine that her kid had a loud, frantic Papparazzi member in his face. My kid was only attempting to look away from an iPhone.

  2. Lol. I had the same English teacher she did (we went to the same high school; actually met her once when she “dropped by” my drama class). He made sure subsequent classes knew the definition of irony!

  3. Hmmm, I’ve never really listened to Alanis Morissette. I like this song, and your version is darn funny! I’ll have to create an Alanis Morissette station on Pandora.

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